Sleep
I have had a rough time recently. While thoughts surrounding Lucas over the past several months are partially to blame, I’m starting to realize that it has to do with lack of sleep.
Most of the time I go to bed before 9:00 pm in order to get a solid seven hours before waking at 4:00 am to go cycling with friends. I try to avoid digital media an hour before bed. And try to avoid caffeine after noon each day. The issue with sleep doesn’t seem to involve a lack of planning. Rather, I have been waking up at 2:00 a.m. on a consistent basis with whatever drama my mind is focusing on.
Some of the things that I have found that keep me up are worries about Tia, worries about the logistics surrounding events I’ve signed up for, worries about obligations in the coming week at work. These are all things that do not need my consideration at 2:00 a.m. and are not the major concerns that my nighttime mind thinks they are when I face them in the light of day. Spending a small amount of time addressing them has helped get them off my mind and has improved my ability to sleep through the night. In addition, the imminent end of the school year has reduced work stress.
The end result of this is that I haven’t been getting enough sleep. I’ve come to realize that this likely is the main reason for why I have been irritable for the past several months. In most cases, I feel fine until the early afternoon. Around that time, I start to get much more irritable and need some time alone.
As my sleep has improved, I have come to realize the role that lack of sleep has played in my mental health. With reduced sleep, I have been much more sensitive to swings in mood. Now that I am better able to get a full night’s sleep, I am much more relaxed and better able to deal with mental health issues. It’s also helped me to realize that not every mental health issue I face has to do with the death of Lucas.